Sewing Advice

This one has been floating around lately; have you seen it yet?

Advice taken from a
Singer Sewing Machine Manual published in 1949

"Prepare yourself mentally for sewing. Think about
what you are going to do. Never approach sewing with a
sigh or lackadaisically. Good results are difficult
when indifference predominates.

Never sew with a sink full of dirty dishes or beds
unmade. When there are urgent housekeeping chores, do
these first so that your mind is free to enjoy your
sewing.

When you sew, make yourself as attractive as possible.
Put on a clean dress. Keep a little bag of French
chalk near your sewing machine to dust your fingers at
intervals. Have your hair in order, powder and
lipstick on.

If you are constantly fearful that a visitor will drop
in or your husband will come home and you will not
look neatly put together, you will not enjoy sewing as
you should."

Now, I'm not opposed to looking nice for my Hubby. Since we work together in the spare bedroom-turned-office, he sees me looking just as fine as I see him: old tee shirt, old jeans, dirty hair, boogers.

As for dusting my finger tips with French clay, why? I can feel my cuticles dehydrating just thinking about it.

My dear friend from the Land of Country Music sent me her Sewing Advice for 2008:

"Start off the morning with a pot of coffee. Try not to think about what you did last night. Always approach sewing armed with children's scissors until the haze of the aforementioned last night wears off. Good results are difficult if you stab yourself in the navel with the sharp kind, or pierce your lip with a seam ripper before noon.

Never sew without clearing a path through the laundry room with your shuffling feet. You might find your other sock in the process, and you may see a color combination on the floor you never would have thought of for inspiration. While you're at it, you may uncover the vacuum cleaner you bought last September. After that, try to figure out what you did with the big ol' box of Swiffer pads you bought at Costco year before last.

When you sew, use the plastic bag off the newspaper for your candy wrappers. (It makes an attractive cat toy at the end of the day.) Put on the sweatpants you had on last Tuesday; they've had time to air out, and they won't create a larger pile in the laundry room. Keep a purse-size bottle of Febreze nearby in case the UPS driver pops by with that package from eQuilter.com you've been waiting for. Lick the chocolate off your fingers so he won't think you have any left to offer him. Have your hair pulled out of your eyes with scotch tape, and tell him it's the latest style from Paris. Tell him his girlfriend would be wise to follow the trend.

If you're constantly agonizing that your nosy neighbor will drop by again, put a note on your door that your kid has headlice. Before your husband comes home, throw that quilt top you found at a garage sale over the bed, and pretend you whipped that up this morning, and were just trying it on the bed for size. Tell him it's still way too small and that it may be long into the night before you can stop - you're "in the zone."

Turn out the lights on your sewing machine when they take it out of your cold dead hands."

My only addition to this: keep a chair close to the front door and lay the sweat pants across the chair. When the UPS man or the Hottie FedEx guy suddenly comes careening around the corner, the sweats are waiting for you to jump into them. Keep a black cardigan handy, too. It serves to cover up any visible remnants of breakfast crumbs or coffee spills, stains, rips, bulges or untethered girls that may send your guest screaming. This will automatically remove any Dorito dust from your fingertips. Once you have dispensed with the unwelcome visitor, remove the sweats and sweater, and return them to the chair to keep the clothing Downey fresh until the next emergency.